Our relationships with others can often be frustrating, even painful. Take the co-worker who undermines your hard work, or the family member that controls you with guilt. Perhaps it's the teen that continues to lie. Or maybe it's the addict who raises hell on Christmas Eve.
How can we emotionally detach ourselves from someone's behavior, especially if it's someone we love?
Here's one formula for getting off the hampster wheel of disappointment or victimization while still honouring the relationship, whether professional or personal.
1. Change your thoughts and stop obsessing. You can analyze it every minute of every day and all your thinking will not change much, if anything. If you must take time to process some thoughts, put a time limit on it.
2. Put more focus on what brings you pleasure rather than on what the other person does that bothers you. What we focus on is what grows. Again, catch yourself, stop, change directions.
3. Remember, we can only change ourselves, no matter how much we wish something different from others. What can you do to create some joy into your life today? Do it.
4. Nurture the fact that you can still create this joy no matter what your circumstances in the relationship. We can experience happiness in spite of what the other person is doing or not doing. When we focus on creating or feeding good things into our lives, we will gradually see through new eyes which, in turn, will help us to know better how to proceed.
5. Accept the fact that other people's behavior is more about them than you. They are stuck. You are free to make choices. How do you want them to look?
Detachment does not mean you don't care or that your attitude has to be a hostility-laced "I don't care, anymore." Rather, make a plan for your own self-care and positive input every day. Do everything you can with love, then let it go.
Detachment does not have to be painful. It can free you to get on with your life, seeing the good that exists in a tiny flower or a friend's smile. It's all in what you focus on.
This post was the fourth in the April A-to-Z Challenge where bloggers from around the globe post daily while featuring a letter from the English alphabet. There's still time to join in so if you're interested, the link below will answer all your questions.
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tags: letting go; live and let live; finding joy in turmoil; letting go of expectations; cultivating acceptance; living joyfully today; practice letting go of control; do yor own work and let go of outcomes